February 12, 2010

We're losing belt loops

Opening a business is hard. Anyone not currently wearing a bib can tell you that. Duh! But how the difficulties manifest themselves is kind of an interesting experiment in beautiful suffering. The stupid fights you get into when your fuse is short, the bags under the eyes, the constant feeling of sleep walking through your waking hours, the empty feeling in your gut in the morning when you realize you forgot to eat the previous evening. Stress. Nervousness. White-hot rushes of joy. Bouts of glee.

But the ladyfriend and I discovered a new side-effect last night during the dinner rush: WEIGHT LOSS!

Eff you Kirstie Alley and your jowly DexitrimJennyDealaMeal pyramid scheme. Just open a bar, go weeks without a day off, stay on your feet all day, ignore nourishment and the POUNDS LITERALLY MELT AWAY! Call now, operators are standing by.

The ladyfriend is a dainty little thing anyway so it was hard to tell. Over the past few weeks she has become, uhm, daintier. But as for me...i lost a belt loop. At first my pants just sagged a bit, but as the evenings have gone by they'd begun to cling to my waist like they're a lifeline. Finally last night I had to snug up the belt to keep from becoming known as the Fixin' To Flasher.

Rest assured when you come see us this weekend we'll be all descent. We'll shine up our cheekbones and make sure there's no incidental ass crack. We're workin' hard for ya'll. And we appreciate ya.


  1. You and your sass. Haha, Bon Iver!!!

  2. You're fucking idiots.

  3. Wow, really? How shallow and stupid can people really possibly be. Especially these days. You're embarrassing St. John's. You don't even serve soul food.

  4. Y'all should have opened a weight loss clinic where your apparent skills could have really been appreciated. www.jennycraig.com